The Mighty Mosquito
I keep trying to set the scene first, you know, early morning, by Lake Superior, you’re the first one awake and there’s a screened porch, with hanging chairs. Talk about a buzz kill. Literally. Haha.
I don’t have a balcony at home so having the opportunity to witness day breaking outside is a real treat. That is until the mighty mosquito starts buzzing around my head. I swat and wave my hands, move my fingers through my hair and then, silence. I’ve scared it away. Silly me. It backed off just to give me a false sense of security.
Now safely back inside, no more buzzing around my ears, it dawns on me that my thoughts are much like the mighty mosquito.
As a lifelong overthinking problem solver, I keep searching for that moment when I can just be present, take in the beauty of my surroundings and not have all the yet to be named questions floating around my mind, just waiting for the sky to align, the clouds to part, the heavenly chorus to sing hallelujah and for me to finally be able to solve the puzzle that is me.
I’m glad I’m writing again. It helps me remember moments like the above, when I did experience that.
Last year my friend & I drove to Gros Morne National Park, in Newfoundland for a camping trip. It was the morning of our 4th day. This particular morning, we were at Lomond. The view was something to behold. I was the only one awake and had Mother Nature in all her splendour to myself. With a cup of freshly made coffee I sat down at the picnic table, with my journal to contemplate life, as one does when in nature.I remember like it was yesterday. As I reflect this morning, it’s even possible that the question came from above, or somewhere other than my head.
What if there were no problems to solve?
It’s the kind of question that needs no answer. Only to savour the essence of meaning. To drink in the possibility.
It’s the morning of our 4th day and it occurs to me that I have to let go of searching for ‘that’ moment. Life might be asking me to let go of more than that.
Yesterday I took out my big sketch book and started to doodle, as I’ve always done. It felt forced though, but being me, I just kept on forcing forward hoping the skies would align and I’d find that space where time stops, my mind stops and I follow the markers.
As I was busily drawing my black thin lines, I happened to glance up and witness my friend using both hands to randomly draw lines on a page. That’s what I do, I thought, but the way she was doing it looked way more funner. Then she proceeded to use a paint brush, with acrylic paints to colour in the spaces. It felt so free and open. I just had to try it. I closed my black pen, chose some colours, took out my paint brush and without thinking just started.
This is fun! And it doesn’t take all day. Did I mention how much fun it was? It took no time to cover my original doodle and fill the page. I was so inspired I took out a different sketch book and immediately started a new page.
Without the perfect setting, and my preconceived notions of how things need to be in order to break free from my mind, I had let go of a way of sketching and found a new one.
The gift was a day spent playing with fabric, brushes, paint. Exploring ideas and experimenting, with no need to know the outcome.
Embracing the artist within is teaching me, not only in art, but in life. It makes it possible to almost allow myself to believe that I could maybe recover from being an overthinking problem solver. Just maybe!
Art on!